There’s nothing better than flipping open your laptop screen, stripping off your clothing and getting naked on the internet—Ok, technically, I can think of a few things that are better than that.
The first one that comes to mind is having legit sex with a human being that’s in the same room as you. But we’re in the middle of a pandemic and that option’s not available to everyone. So, absent that, we have long distance sex.
I personally have a no pics rule that extends to screens of larger sizes—iPads, notebooks, desktop computers—but amidst a global crisis I might be willing to make an exception. Maybe.
But the whole idea of virtual sex is weird. I don’t know about you but some dude (even one that I know really well) screaming Oh Tae, Oh Tae while rubbing their own hands up and down their you know what isn’t exactly the dream.
So, how do we master long distance sex without feeling like we’re 40-year-old unemployed truck drivers from New Jersey sitting in our mom’s basement in front of our “gaming” rigs? Well, let’s talk about it…
What is virtual sex?
First thing’s first, let’s define virtual sex. Let’s start with what it’s not—it is not having sex with some animated virtual character to get our figurative rocks off.
No, it involves a real human being.
They’re just not in the same room as you. Heck, they don’t have to be in the same city, province or even country. You could have virtual sex with Søren from Denmark while you’re sitting in the spare bedroom of your sister’s house in Abbotsford, BC.
It’s like 1990s phone sex but with visual stimulation.
You and your (consenting) partner hop on your favourite virtual meeting place (preferably with no one around), you strip off and chat (possibly) while getting off.
Sounds sexy, right?
No, you’re right it doesn’t. It sounds weird. But I swear it’s not as awkward as you might think.
Lucky enough to have legit in-person sex? Here are the best sex positions for plus size women.
Mastering the art of long distance sex
If you’re anything like me, the idea of taking your clothes off in front of a web cam is chilling.
I remember when I was 19 (and hadn’t yet mandated my “no pics” rule) I spent an entire two hours trying to take a picture for a dude that made the cleavage of my A-sized boobs somewhat appealing. My nudes skills have improved since then and my boobs are (a tad bit) bigger but I’m still not at pro cam-girl status (nor do I strive to be).
But it’s the pandemic and we all have to adapt, right?
It’s time we all learn the art of virtual cam sexting like pros (is “cam sexting” a thing?)… so here’s what we gotta do:
Step 1: The performance space
Before we get all hot-and-bothered or spend the next three-and-a-half hours prepping our hair so it falls perfectly at our best angle, we need to do a little work on the room we’ll be having our online romance session in.
While we all know there’s nothing sexier than starring at a pile of unlaundered sweats and panties while you’re trying to do the virtual deed, we should probably all do a quick ten-second tidy of our surrounding space. Or even just the space that will be seen by the camera.
With our clean sexy space ready, we need to find somewhere stable to house our long distance sex vehicle (AKA our phone, tablet or computer). You don’t want to be mid-bang only to realize your virtual partner’s face down on the bed (not in a good way) starring at a black screen because you got a little vigorous during your sexy time.
For those of us that (occasionally) shoot (fully-clothed) videos for the online space and happen to have a ring light or tripod on hand, that would work wonders for smaller devices. But for those of us looking for the full-screen experience and opt to use our laptops, setting them on the bed or a table beside it works well too.
Step 2: Get date ready
Lingerie is not off-limits when it comes to virtual sex. In fact, it’s highly encouraged. No one said you had to show up to the party undressed, there’s a whole handbook for seduction and the naked man is really only one move.
Pick out something you feel good in and go with that.
If you’re planning a strip-tease portion of the evening, make sure that your virtual sex vehicle is portable enough that you can move it around to give a good view. Otherwise, it’ll end up being one of those dreaded “grandma can’t figure out how Skype work situations” where your date will be seeing an up-close and personal of your belly button, sans boobs.
If you’re not feeling lingerie fancy, something as simple as a bathrobe or a throw will work if you want to be able to remove something before you start.
You’ll also want to do whatever you’d normally do before a date—shower, groom the region, apply a little light makeup—whatever makes you comfortable.
Step 3: Set some ground rules
Like any other sexual experience, consent is necessary and everyone in the virtual room needs to be on the same page. You can have this little chit-chat at a different time than your sexy time or you can do it right before the long distance sex session commences.
You want to make sure that you and your partner both understand each others limits, especially if you’re virtual sex newbies because the first time will probably feel a bit weird.
Communication is key—so figure out what everyone things is hot or not. Honestly, there’s a lot that you’d think would look sexy on a screen that’s 100% not. So figure out what you want to see (and not). Find out what words turn your partner on and what you should avoid saying in the digital bedroom.
This is also where I’ll mention the best part about virtual sex: you can hang up at any time. Which happens to be significantly easier and less awkward than leaving mid-sex (says that girl who has legitimately walked out on sex a handful of times—when I’m not into it, I’m really not into it).
Step 4: Set the mood
Candles, some light music, a little mood-toned light, anyone?
The mood on both sides of the virtual bed is important for all involved. Getting it on under the fluorescent lights of the airport terminal with someone announcing flight times in the background is not everyone’s dream sexual setting, neither is your roommates Call of Duty session in the background—so set that mood so it’s just right.
Step 5: Get it on, girl
I’m not going to tell you how to have virtual sex, I feel like the mechanics of it are familiar to all of us (if they’re not, you can probably find a how-to video on Porn Hub). All of us are different and so is our long distance sex.
All I will say is that like any other sexcapade you might find yourself in, your goal is to have a good time with your partner. Which might take a little more work on both ends because of the awkward setting. But once you’re no longer a virtual sex virgin, it can be the perfect activity to add into your long distance relationship.
Virtual sex toys
So Henry (or Henrietta) can’t actually go down on you nor are they currently physically available to you for some good ol’ fashioned penetration but that doesn’t mean that there can’t be some pseudo physical interaction via virtual sex toys.
I don’t mean sex toys that exist in the virtual world, we’re not on Coke Music here, but sex toys that you physically have in front of you but your partner controls. Sounds fun? That’s because it is.
I’m not going to lie to you—most of the long-distance sex toys that exist out there are one-sided. You can control the experience for your partner but they can’t necessarily do the same back to you unless they have a separate device. That means you need two separate virtual sex toys to get the job done.
However, Lovense’s Nora and Max 2 are meant to be used together so you can enjoy an experience closer to that of in-person sex. Is it the exact same? No, of course not. But it does make the experience a bit more intimate. Here’s how it works:
- You each connect your virtual sex toy to your computer via Bluetooth (if your computer doesn’t have that capability you can use a Bluetooth adapter).
- You virtually hangsies with your partner (you can use Lovense’s video chat function or something else like Skype) and get your play on.
- When you’re ready… you use your toy. Both Nora and Max 2 are interactive—they talk to each other, which means that how your partner uses their sex toy will change how yours functions as well.
Virtual interactive sex isn’t exactly the same as getting busy together in the same bed but it’s better than renting a virtual sex suit. Right?
Virtual sex toy for her: Lush 2
Admittedly, there are A LOT more virtual sex toys built with women in mind. Which, if I’m being honest, surprises me not.
If you’re looking for something quiet and powerful that you can use solo or with a partner, the Lush 2 is an exceptional choice. It’s a wearable bullet vibrator that you can drive or your partner from across the world can take the lead on.
You can also sync this bad boy to music, if that’s your fancy.
Not quite what you’re looking for? Check out these bad boys:
Not into the Bluetooth vibe? Check out this guide on purchasing your first vibrator for something a little more traditional.
Virtual sex toy for him: Edge
The Edge is proudly billed as the world’s first adjustable prostate massager. Now, I don’t personally have a prostate so I can’t give a full thumbs up on this. But as far as I know that’s a sexy thing if you do have one…
This too can be controlled solo, used discreetly in public or controlled by a partner during long distance sex. It’s waterproof, rechargeable and generally looks sleek.
If you’re looking for a fun Valentine’s day gift for your male partner, it might be a great choice.
Looking for something else? You can also check out:
A few final long distance sex tips…
It’s a weird but fun experience. But before I let you go off on your own to have some sexy internet time, here are a few final thoughts about your next distance sex session.
Make sure you actually want to have virtual sex
Cyber sex isn’t for everyone and if it’s not for you, that’s OK.
Don’t let this be one of those things that you’re doing because all of the other kids are doing it too. Make sure it’s actually for you.
There are other ways to keep the sexy alive in your long distance relationship that don’t include stripping naked in front of your computer.
Use a secure internet connection
Creepy people lurk around the internet all the time hacking things, including web cams, like little pervs. So, if you’re going to bare it all to your laptop, make sure you’re using something secure.
I’m not going to recommend anything because I can’t personally guarantee it’s security. But I can tell you that places like Zoom and Snapchat are not always as secure as you’d thing.
So, do your research!
Check in frequently
It’s OK, even recommended, that. you check in on a regular basis with your partner. It might be a strange experience, so chatting about it in the moment isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
No one is expecting you to be a pro cam girl. If they are, I’d consider if they’re the best person for you to be virtually f*cking.
Long distance sex is awkward enough as it is without adding the unnecessary pressure of being someone that you’re not. So, give yourself a break and have a good time.
The experience can be as good or bad as you let it. So, go forth and cyber sex!
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