We are SO BACK.
I have finally resurfaced from my COVID-induced exile and I’m more than ready to get back in business here. I briefly put up an episode in the fall with full intentions to get back at it but it turns out I simply wasn’t ready. So, for all three of you that got super excited about me coming back, I apologize.
But you’ll be glad to know that I am truly ready to hang out with you in audio format. I’ve got a collection of interviews that I did over the past few months that will be dropping on the show and I’ve got some more of my favourite fat friends lined up to share their stories and insights.
However, on this episode, you won’t hear from any of them… it’s just you and me and we’re going to talk about our celebrity crushes.
I struggled to come up with the perfect topic to kick this bad boy off—despite the fact that I know there is no such thing as perfect. I wanted something lighthearted and fun, but most importantly I needed something that I actually wanted to talk about.
So, why not cover one of my favourite COVID pastimes… daydreaming about celebrity crushes. Don’t roll your eyes, many of us have spent a TON of time by ourselves over the past year and if you’re single like me and not willing to get yourself a pandemic “special friend” then you’ve spent most of your evenings alone.
I watch a ton of movies and I’m known for watching a film and being reminded about some hot dude that I had a wee little crush on and some point and time and doing a deep dive into all of the film and TV content of theirs that I can get my pandemic-friendly, totally clean hands on.
I myself am a one celebrity crush kinda gal and my “would definitely do” list is pretty concise and full of dudes that you probably won’t find on most other people’s lists. Since I know, whether or not we want to admit it, we all have celebrity crushes, I wanted to dive into why we have celebrity crushes, whether or not they’re technically healthy (for the record: regardless of what the professionals say I’m fully in support of the “yes” category) and share some of my 100% embarrassing and probably hilarious celebrity crush stories.
Why we thirst after celebrities by Hannah-Rose Yee
This whole idea came about because last week I was reading Why we thirst after celebrities an article written by Hannah-Rose Yee that was pushed on Repeller (which I don’t think publishes anymore) in 2019. If you haven’t had a chance to read the article I would highly encourage you do because I laughed my ass off the whole way through—for the record the articles is linked on the blog post for this episode on HelloTaee.com.
The article starts out with “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Chris Pine.” And then she goes into some examples I’ll let you read on your own and in the third paragraph in she says:
“For a while, I toyed with Bradley Cooper in A Star Is Born, and I will always carry a torch for Michael B. Jordan, but Chris Pine is, clearly, my number one imaginary boyfriend. And if I weren’t confident I wasn’t alone in these preoccupations, I might be shy about admitting it. But pinups have existed for as long as there were bedroom walls for posters to be pinned upon, and I’d wager we are living in a golden age of the celebrity crush.”
This article spoke to me on a whole host of levels, not only because I wholeheartedly relate to “trying out” different imaginary celebrity boyfriends kind of depending on my mood or what I’m watching on TV most of which exist in the mid-40s to mid-50s age range—which considering my 1991 birthdate is another topic for an entirely different podcast episode (we’ll get there, I swear). But also because we all—or at least most of us—have these celebrity crushes that we’re both slightly embarrassed about but also weirdly possessive of.
My number one celebrity crush that I tend to go back to for those interested… my Chris Pine, if you will, is none other than Brendan Fraser—and for those of that you don’t recognize that name because you’re not weirdly obsessed with late 90s, early 2000s action films, he was in The Mummy series, Journey to the Centre of the Earth and also played George of the Jungle. For those of you that do know who he is “Judge not, lest you be judged” ladies—I’ll let you do your Google search on your own time but his dad bod and current vibe work wonders for me… and tells you a lot about me.
I personally think, and actually, a quote from the Repeller article backs me up on this… for whatever that’s worth, is that our celebrity crushes tell us a lot about who we are and what we’re looking for in “the real world.” Of course, we don’t know these people—or like most of us don’t anyway and we’re basing our idea of this person, both real and fictional because obviously, they do exist, they are people—but we base our idea of them on fragments of they we see and who they play on TV.
The Good [Charlotte] Old Days
A quote from the article says “crushes used to be a thing of ecstatic adolescence held in swoon secrecy. Now, we can moon over our internet boyfriends and girlfriends in as much or as little detail as we want.” Which is 100% true. The internet allows us to access everything from the latest interview with said crush to a 15-second clip of them signing an autograph at the airport after they just got off a plane—not that I’ve like watched any of those or anything like that.
These little fragments that we can access allow us to essentially build our dream imaginary partner in our mind. It’s like a build-a-bear boyfriend. I remember when I was a teenager I was absolutely obsessed with Good Charlotte. Like adamantly convinced at 16 that I was going to marry one of the Madden brothers—it honestly didn’t matter which one. And at that time while you could access like press photos from big events or music videos (basically my number one pastime), if I wanted like interviews with them I had to tune into Much Music (Canadian here, for the record) when I got home from school.
I fully admit to the fact that my crush on the front-brothers of Good Charlotte lead to the creation of my own band—despite the fact that music is not one of the skills that I possess. The band ended shortly after it began because I spent more time building our early 2000s website which was just a pink background, black courier text and photos from the 1600 photoshoots that I made us do—it’s not really a surprise that I ended up in marketing. There was also some fan fiction involved that I honestly hope I got rid of when I downsized from an apartment to a suitcase… but I’m afraid to check.
I had posters of these guys and all of their CDs—except for The Chronicles of Life and Death which my mother refused to allow me to buy, despite the fact that I had my own money because she thought it was like unchristian and inappropriate. My 13 or 14-year-old self was devastated. I’m sure there were tears involved.
Firsts: celebrity crushes
My first celebrity crush was not the boys from Good Charlotte—in fact, he wasn’t even a proper celebrity though at like 8 he totally was. It was this character from Commander Kellie and the Superkids, named Rapper.
For basically all of you that have NO IDEA what that is, Commander Kellie and the Superkids was a feature film series put out in the 90s. It was a three or four sci-fi films created by Kenneth Copeland Ministries focused on this group of super believers or superkids that fought evil on behalf of or like with Jesus and the church—and there were bad guys like NME the evil empire and General Fear… you have to see it to know what I’m talking about… and you can, by the way, because they’re all on YouTube and I will 100% link ALL of the films
- The Intruder (1992)
- Armor of Light (1995)
- The Sword (1997)
- Judgement: The Trial of Commander Kellie (1999)
There are book series and an entire online curriculum these days. But kid Tae was really into these films.
Anway, my first celebrity crush was this fictional character, Rapper, who was played by a guy named Stephen Glenn who I don’t think ever acted again. We meet him as a tyke in 1992’s The Intruder and he’s like 8 and starts white boy rapping five minutes in. Then you see him in his final straight-to-DVD performance in the 1999 film Judgement: The Trial of Commander Kellie where he does his final… like maybe rap on the soundtrack for this song called “Christ in Me” as like 16 or 17-year-old kid. Yes, to answer your question, I did have the soundtrack. And, no, I’m definitely not going to sing it. But you can find the link to it on the blog.
I, as a fully-grown adult, still remember that crush. It was the first and ONLY time, at like 8, 9 or maybe 10, I kissed the television screen. If you’re wondering, I did turn off the lights, pause the screen, close my eyes and pucker up. And it was as weird as it sounds.
Then somewhere in my formative years, there was Jesse McCartney in Summerland. I remember there was this scene where Lori Laughlin (AKA Aunt Ava) caught Bradin (Jesse’s character) in bed with I think Sara Paxton. It was very scandalous. By-the-way, for those that have Zac Efron on their hotlist (so basically all of us), he was also on Summerland for like an episode.
But, maybe I’m doing celebrity crushes wrong?
Some Reddit user on a form said “I don’t see the appeal in crushing on someone who doesn’t know you exist and have never really met in person. I also don’t see why anyone would crush on people as flashy and fake as celebrities.” But I think that’s missing the point entirely.
This is an episode that I really hope goes nowhere because I’m going to admit something that’s maybe a little sad or just embarrassing to some people but there are a lot of times where I would rather escape into the safety of my own mind where I lay out the rules and the story is my own making then try to unravel the complexities that is the world that we live in. Whether that be daydreaming pieces of a fictional story I’m working on or an adorable meet-cute with said celebrity crush or the absolutely impossible—let’s just say I’ve destroyed a lot of mummies in my time.
In the Repeller article, Jannette Davies who co-founded Scarlet Ladies (now called Sonder & Beam), said that “a crush is ultimately a fantasy, and fantasies help us explore the recess of our sexuality. What do we like? What don’t we like? What do we want, and I mean really, really want?” All of which I agree with, but I also think the whole idea of celebrity crushes gives us this alternative Cinderella-esque timeline that allows us to test romance and lifestyle ideas and see how they fit our personality. Or maybe not.
Perhaps I’m just doing the whole celebrity crush thing wrong?
These days my celebrity crush hovers between the likes of Pedro Pascal, Mads Mikkelsen, Rufus Sewell… and for like a week after Rebecca came out it was Arnie Hammer… but Brendan Fraser—like 2020 Brendan Fraser is my whole package.
In the words of Maria from the comments section, I have “married him once a week” for the last few years. Its the combination of those gorgeous eyes, his lovely voice, that height—tall guys, it’s my kryptonite, am I right ladies? And that dad bod—judge all you want, but the heart wants what it wants.But I want to hear from you.